I'm writing to you today to let you know that you've won. You've asserted the perfect amount of power and intimidation to remind me I have the option of walking away from our marriage with nothing. Guess what? You’re in luck. I have made my choice.
Last year, when I decided to leave you, you did everything you could to control me and get me back. You took everything from the bank accounts, sold one of the houses and continue to mislead the courts about your financial situation. You and I both know that you are lying.
You continue to harass me by not agreeing to what is my and my children’s right. The process required to wade through your lies is too slow and plagued with heavy legal costs for me.
You’re lucky, you can choose to draw this out because you’re a rich businessman. You choose to stay unemployed, so you can pay close to nothing in child support and have access to legal aid. I cannot make this choice. I have two budding, beautiful children to care and provide for. I have a career to sustain that I have worked hard for.
Your family told me that you are ready to give me everything if I drop the charges pending against you in criminal court. You had your sister tell me that by Islamic law I am not entitled to your property and that what I am asking for is ‘haram’ (prohibited) for me and my kids. Let me remind you how the wealth you accumulated became yours: remind me of a single day when I have not worked or earned money and handed it to you in the ten years of our marriage. Where did that money go?
I am sorry, dear husband, that you must see one of your properties go to the woman you once said was a disobedient wife. I understand your pain, as you treated me as one of your properties, too. You’re once more in luck that our systems here do not truly support a woman when she decides to leave and report a marriage like ours. Our systems take too long to decide what is right and what is wrong. Unfortunately, people like you get the advantage in such cases. You harass and tire the woman to such an extent that she considers starting over and accepting less than what she is entitled to.
In court last week, your lawyer threatened that you will kick me and the kids out of our house. The house that I worked hard for. The house where you would lie around all day and night doing nothing, the house where you’d bring women back at night, the house where you’d hide condoms and lubricants—never to be used with me! I was in court to resolve these financial disputes. Never did I do anything to deserve to listen to such disgusting language from your lawyer. But I know why. You think you can scare me with financial constraints, by threatening to snatch the roof over our heads. You feel that you have the right to this threatening behaviour over me.
I want to clarify one thing with you. Although you tried your best to scare me, I am not scared, not scared at all. I have made my decision to walk away with less than what I am entitled to and here’s why:
- I cannot continue to make the choice between paying a lawyer and buying healthy food for my children.
- I want to be out of your life as quickly as possible. If I continue to fight with you, I will lose more years in misery associated with you. I can’t do that to myself. My mental wellbeing is important for the wellbeing of my children.
- You indicated that I ended our marriage to make financial gains from ‘your’ properties. Sorry, that was never my intention.
- You think I will drop the charges in lieu of your wealth. Sorry, my beliefs are more important to me than your money.
- Our system of family law is too slow. I want to be out of that system and move on with my life.
- I am sick and tired of your fraudulent ways and lies.
I wish there was a system in place that could see through your lies and be prompt in making decisions when it comes to difficult people like you. People like you who will go to any length to not resolve disputes. And why wouldn't you? You have a lot of spare time and lots of money in your pocket. You can play around. Unfortunately, I can’t. I am tired. I want to be able to move on in life. You’re holding me back each day. And if walking away with less is what I must do for my sanity, then it is what it is. I am happy making this decision.
I also wish there was a process in place for women who are caught in the middle of criminal court and family court proceedings because men like you make it harder for women to stand by their decision of reporting violence to authorities. I wish there was a faster process in place, so women don’t have to give up their rights to continue fighting with people like you.
Once you are out of my life, I will make sure that my daughter will never have to make any choice in her life just because she is a woman. She will stand up and fight till the end, unlike her mother.
If you accept the financial settlement offer, well and good. If not, then best wishes with your houses. I hope you create an empire of assets for yourself in life—it's clearly so important for your manhood.
For closure’s sake
Let’s settle our scores
And be just and fair
In dividing what’s left there
I will give up on the pain,
You inflicted blatantly
Only if you promise to give
My time back to me.